Be the Person Who Checks In
October 19, 2026
Writer: Avery Margolis
Editor: Olivia Tuckman
Think about the last time someone reached out randomly, just to say they were thinking of you. No agenda, and no favor to ask. Chances are you remember how it felt, and it felt good. Now, think about the last time you did that for someone else. If you’re like most of us, it’s been a while.
So why don’t we reach out even though we mean to? We think of someone, tell ourselves we’ll reach out, and then life gets busy. Or, even worse, we hesitate because it feels awkward. We say things like: “It’s been so long; what would I even say? Will they think it’s strange?” Here’s the truth: they won’t. Research shows people consistently underestimate how much others appreciate being reached out to. We worry about the awkwardness, while the other person mostly just feels remembered.
Why it Matters
A quick message can’t fix someone’s problems, but it can remind them that they matter to someone, and that’s powerful, especially for people who are going through something quietly.
You often won’t know who needs it. It could be the friend who seems fine but is quietly struggling, or the colleague who’s gone quiet and is overwhelmed. Checking in costs you thirty seconds, and for the right person on the right day, it can mean far more.
It’s good for you too. Connection is one of the strongest drivers of well-being. Reaching out strengthens your relationships and reminds you that you’re part of something bigger than your own to-do list.
So how can you do it without being awkward? Keep it simple; it doesn’t need to be a speech.
“Thinking of you. How are things?” Easy, warm, no pressure.
“Saw this and thought of you.” Share a photo, article, or memory.
“No need to reply, just wanted to know I’m thinking of you.” Removes any obligation.
“How are you really doing?” For someone you know is going through a tough time.
A few tips: be specific when you can. “How did the interview go?” beats “How are you?” Don’t wait for the perfect words, and don’t take a slow reply personally. People are busy, but the message will still land.
The key is to make it a habit. Pick one person a week, set a reminder if you need to. When someone pops into your head, treat it as a nudge and act on it right then before the moment passes.
Being the person who checks in doesn’t require being outgoing or having the right words; it just requires a little courage and thirty seconds of your day.
Someone in your life would love to hear from you. Who’s coming to mind?
